One of my very first entries on this site, titled "In An Elevator", written back on Aug 10th, 2010, remains one of my most emotional pieces. I oscillated between trepidation and rejoice so many times, thinking the worst, thinking the best. It was truly one of the longest nights of my life and perhaps the most exhilarating. It is a piece I wrote while looking back on that very night my oldest child was born.
Since then, I've dedicated similar entries to my son Alex. His first day in First Grade, his debut as a pitcher. I've thought about Alex more than usual as of late. He is now 9 and in three months turns 10. I look back at the struggles faced since his birth, weighing only 3 lbs, living his first few weeks in the NICU unit, the staples on the back of his head after a fall off the monkey-bars, and so on. He just recently got braces, something he's not entirely happy with..
I look back at myself as a Father throughout these past 9 years and hope I've done enough. Perhaps I am tougher on him than my other two because I see so much potential. I see so much brilliance and wonder and unbridled joy in the most mundane of things; a rubber band, a broken pencil, a small rock. It is truly a wonder to see Alex in action, architect and master of his kingdom.
Soon he will turn 10, and he will move on to those dreaded middle school years, full of complexities and turbulence. On January 24th, 2004 I found myself in a metal box of trepidation. The restraints from that box have slowly eroded, yet at times they pull me back and cloud my judgement. I'm still learning. To be a father. To push less. To sit back more often and watch him in all his wonder. To listen more about habitable planets and galaxies and far-off stars.
Perhaps I will never fully leave that metal box. Perhaps that is my role, to be both his protector, his tormentor and his guide. For now, I enjoy those mornings where we simply sit on the couch while everyone else sleeps, listen to jazz, drink chocolate milk/coffee and talk about the simple things in life. I love my boy.
Very sweet.
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