My Little Shadow

Looking back at the blogs I've written for the past three years, I realize I've never written one about my youngest son, Julian. In lieu of his upcoming 9th birthday, I want to explore why that is.

Julian Xavier's arrival was an impromptu event which to this day makes us scratch our heads. Was is really the margaritas on that Friday night? His oldest brother was 3 months old when his Mom confirmed she was with child. "What have we done?!"..was the first thought, before we both fainted. 

I vividly recall his birth...same nose his Grandfather and I share. Didn't crack a single smile until he was about 3 months old. We wondered if he wanted new parents or a new place to live.

He first touched a soccer ball at 1 year old, and it was as if they were meant to be. Since then, the love affair has only blossomed. 

Julian's purpose has been not only to enrich our lives, but most importantly to be his older brother's most faithful companion; his protector. Alex without Julian doesn't make sense, and neither does Julian without Alex. And with a 2 year old baby sister, you can imagine how much he dotes on her. 

His ever outgoing personality has landed him friends and acquaintances everywhere. The guy can make friends with a lamp post. He is aware of everything that is happening in his school. Which teacher is getting married, which one is on vacation, which one is in the hospital...

Perhaps the reason I don't write as much about Julian is that he is a lot like me. I see a lot of myself in him. The way he talks, his mannerisms and gestures. He tries to emulate everything I do. He likes what I like, dislikes what I don't like. He is fiercely protective of those he holds dear.

Julian is my ever accompanying shadow, one that still holds my hand when attempting to cross the street. One that comes running down the stairs to greet me, when I get home from work. And I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Arise Darlings

A new year is upon us! A time to get back on that horse we fell off once the doldrums of the Fall and the melodrama of the Holidays set in.

Some will follow the latest fashion, pick up the most popular books of the season, stick to losing those ten pounds, polish off their resumes. But what of the rest of us? What becomes of those that seek something else, something less tangible..Truly there are some of us that long to search deeper, to seek inner peace, to finally publish those thoughts and ideas that have taken residence in the maelstrom of our souls.

This is the 85th installment of this site. Back when I first started, this was simply an idea, filled with trepidation. Friendly voices told me to go for it, yet I lacked the self-confidence. Eventually, I opened up to the idea of having others take shelter in my own reality. And this is exactly why I speak to you today.

Look, you have a lot to say and your reasons for doing so, and I commend you for it. We don't have to be in the front of the line waving the proverbial flag of rebellion, faces painted shades of blue. The trenches? We've already been there, toes firmly buried in the sand. You want the spotlight and the glamour? This is not the place for that. There's a time and place to dress like Ziggy Stardust.

We are the ones who truly dare, to speak through pixels, while you sit in the laundry-mat, while you sip that first cup of coffee, giving voice to those that have none. We are the darlings of our own misfortunes, and we bask in the cloud of our role. We hope that someone will listen, that somehow it will spark thought, ideas, discourse, indifference, angst, intercourse, something! It is a thankless task, to be that darling of misfortune, that rebel waist deep in the snow of our own dilemmas.

Call us cowards and we'll smite you with adjectives so profoundly, you'll be picking up teeth in every one of the seven continents. We are not heroes, we are not faceless stick figures that you can burn at the stake for your own amusement. We rise with the tide of the calling that washes over us every day. To be compelled to write.

Let your fingertips do the talking this year. I'll be watching hoping to embrace you as one of us darlings.