Drifting Into Something New

UPDATE – I am working on a book, believe it or not. I have no idea how it will turn out, all I know is that I’ve taken those first steps towards building out a storyline, fleshing out characters and so forth. This is a lot tougher than it seems. Once characters are created, it’s almost impossible to delete them, as they kind of become a part of you - nonetheless, they are here to stay.

(The above is the quick and dirty update…as I originally planned on dedicating a few paragraphs to this).

Back to work.

The Second Happiest Day of My Life

There is the Wedding Day, the day the Sox won it all in 2004 and subsequently in 2007, the day I bought my house, the day Shirley baked that chicken, and so on... but those days will forever pale in comparison to today. It's no secret, that I've wanted a baby girl for a long time.... with two boys in tow, it was the logical next step.

As I sat in the ultrasound tech's office and watched the screen attentively, all kinds of emotions ran through me. My first thought was, let the baby be healthy. All vital signs were good, strong heartbeat, the works. Over and over I thought to myself, life's about to entirely change... I must admit, I had an idea, given how this pregnancy has differed in sooo many ways to the other two. Our eyes are darting through the screen, searching, for signs of sex, anything.... while images materialized and we speculated internally, the tech is the expert in the room. Then, out of thin air, she types on the screen... "L I T T L E G I R L"... My heart dropped...

I can barely describe the emotion itself. My eyes watered, my blood pressure certainly shot up, the room vibrated around me. Almost too much to bear. Overwhelming joy and excitement. Feeling blessed beyond belief... I am going to have a daughter. L I T T L E G I R L. It will forever be tattooed in my heart.

On to June and the inevitable arrival of said little girl... what should her name be...? Ah, I know... :)

Unnamed Author

I tend to liberate myself through words, unspoken words which linger on paper or on a computer screen. These words occupy space in my soul; they are deep rooted, like old trees in some far away forest. Like dry leaves in a New England autumn, they linger, unexpectedly. I am bound to them, I cannot escape these words; they leave dents in my heart and scars in my soul. They sear themselves into my very own fabric, recreating themselves like a virus; stalking me from within, my companions. When I least expect it, they smother me, these words, these feelings, that seem to come from thin air. My hands uncontrollably type away, like playing a piano blindfolded, in the dark. They just come, and use me like a puppet. They string me around and express my feelings for me, my deeply rooted sentiments. Tales of love, and heartache; of woe and joy - breathing for me, talking for me, swaying in the breeze of a Gloucester day in August, when the air is salty and melancholic, as it knows fall’s around the corner.

Words… senseless emotions, daring dreams, hopeless ambitions, black keys on a piano; black keys that hang on to every note, as if it’s the last note ever to be played. In the dark, in the morning light, these words come from an unknown source – an unnamed author.

Dare I say, one day I’ll understand what their purpose is. But until then, they will speak and speak some more, in lonely notebooks, in flickering laptop screens, in dreams and fantasies, daring the world to recognize them for what they are, truly undying sentiments -borne from an unnamed author playing a piano blindfolded, in the dark. Smiling, justified, in the arms of melancholy and nostalgia.

Reminder - To Get Inspired...

I need to watch something with substance. Something that goes deeper, a lot deeper than your average movie. I need it - something that moves me. I want the credits to roll and me to sit there, exhaling in reverence. Rare occurrences perhaps, yet, they are necessary. They breath new air into creativity - they inspire. With that said, I've read up on current / upcoming movies and have nailed down four flicks, that may provide that much needed spark. As follows:

• Never Let Me Go
• Blue Valentine
• Somewhere
• Biutiful

I may not watch all of them soon, but if I can at least, catch two of the four in say... the next two weeks, that would be golden. See you at the movies...I'll be the guy wearing a suit and holding an extra large bucket of popcorn...

The Year of Embrace

A new year. Like a breath of fresh air. It does wonders for the soul, the change. It excites us and induces fits of hyperactivity in everything plan or goal oriented. Travel to x, lose x pounds, register to x school, look for x job, pay x bills, buy x, do x…

All of the above are in essence, tangible things that can be accomplished to appease certain elements in life. Health, financial stability, change of scenery, career move and so on...
But what about for ourselves, where do we draw the line in the sand and start looking inward? Last year around this time, I made a list of things I wanted to change, not resolutions, but rather internal changes. Be more patient, think more positive, visualize good things in life; like brain surgery without the instruments. You practice it long enough, and you start manifesting these thoughts.

I dub this year the Year of Embrace. What do I mean by that? Well, life throws us curve balls from time to time; cannonballs are shot at us and we dodge and weave trying to make sense of all the turmoil, when in fact... it’s all mostly quite natural. Feelings about people, about life, about situations. Rather than push these away, I seek to embrace these feelings, to learn from them, to relish the experience.

So it begins, a new year full of possibilities; strange and unusual circumstances, which at first may seem wrong, or out of place. Take time to explore these…and you may be surprised by what you discover and learn, about yourself. Embrace!

Deep in Costa Rican Territory (Day 9)

March 18 – After a splendid first night of town strolling, margaritas, pizza, music and some much needed rest, I awake and decide to go on a stroll. I always enjoy being up early on vacation and scoping out my surroundings in solitude. Vendors are busy selling food and crafts. Many Americans live here permanently, and I observe as they jog by, or sit in nearby sodas and read the local newspaper. On my way back to the apartment, I am surrounded by a canopy of welcoming monkeys up above me. I even get a peek at the beach.

After some breakfast, which consisted of some strong local coffee at a local soda, we head to the beach. Dark sand, hot sand…volcanic sand, whoa! My scorched feet invite the Pacific’s cool touch. We camp down for a while and enjoy the beach among the local American populace. Playa del Coco is a lively area filled with many Americans who have made this, their permanent residence. I can’t blame them. There are numerous beaches nearby, the town bustles with energy and noise. We decide to do like them, and move from del Coco to Playa Hermosa. Hermosa means “beautiful”.

Prior to getting to the beach we stop by a local soda for some lunch and a refill of both beer and water. The ride to the area is quite scenic as we rise higher on the road, anxiously anticipating our arrival to Hermosa. Wow. Magnificent and indeed Hermosa. Palm trees line the beach, which by now in the early afternoon seems rather calm, with just a few folks here or there. In the middle of the sand, I spot a man and a cart... What could he be selling..? I walk over and discover a nice treat – a Granizado. A sweet concoction made with condensed milk, ice and fruit flavors... so good… so refreshin during our stay here we discover a strange tree, with a strange phallic shaped protrusion. The entire afternoon is spent in Playa Hermosa, basking in the palm trees’ shade and the Pacific’s refreshing ocean. Not a bad way to spend a day.

Prior to the night’s festivities, we head into town to pick up my laundry. See, the night before I found a woman who we gave our laundry to. Those clothes came back brand new and smelling amazing. I almost made out with my socks….

We venture out into the night and everyone is on the same vibe, party time. Pick up some souvenirs here or there; enjoy drinks at the Lizards Lounge and the most amazing dinner ever while during our stay in Costa Rica, in a dirt floor soda. The meal consists of your typical “casado”, which in essence, is rice and beans and meat and veggies and an assortment of other delicacies. Fresh fish is consumed as well as some fresh fruit shakes. All in all an absolutely delicious meal in a dirt floor soda where dogs linger and soccer is watched in a 13 inch TV. Unforgettable.

As the night resumes, we stumble upon a pizza place which the girls show interest in, prior to heading back to the apartment. It’s been a long day full of wonders and great experiences. The day typifies what it is to be in Costa Rica; carefree, and open to experiences of both the eyes and taste buds. Back to the pizza place though…as the girls wait inside, I go in and skip past them letting music guide me. No freaking way…a tiki party in the back of the pizza place??? There’s a band playing island tunes and tables and torches…what the hell is going on?! This is awesome. I linger and order a beer, while the girls continue to wait on their midnight snack. Everyone is enjoying the music, infused with ocean breeze and smells of fresh fruit. I say good bye and head back to our headquarters, pizza in hand for another great night at the apartment with the best people I know.