Fluctuations

I tend to think that many of the events that occur during our lives are a product of the culmination of our decisions or actions- whether we make them or fail to do so. Something that happens 5 months down the line is the trickle-effect of some thought that materialized or didn't. It is an interesting concept to think that whatever I read today or whomever I speak to, will ultimately have some influence over some random event in the future. This event will somehow impact me or those close to me in some odd way.

No, not karma. Just little fluctuations in the air, in thoughts, in dreams, that somehow manifest themselves in rather strange circumstances. It's like watching a puppet show. You do not see who pulls the strings, you just know someone is pulling them.

I read a lot, yet few are the books that stay with me. Few are the ones that make such an impression that years down the line I can literally smell what the air smelled liked when I read that particular book. I remember whom I loved and whom I didn't. What I drank, perhaps some rum, or some gin. Maybe a beer. Which makes sense in the realm of things, as we cannot recall the millions of thoughts, actions or decisions made, unless these resonate. The proverbial sound and the fury.

Spent some time today reading past e-mails, and I began detailing in my head what led to those e-mails. What was the series of events that culminated in the writing of that particular e-mail. There were certainly some highlights, some moments where I clearly knew the why. Yet, not every step resonated, and as I backtracked, I lost my way. Into the great void where the majority of our decisions, actions or thoughts go. Some far off place filled with nightmarish creatures and most of my missing socks.

So is life. Fluctuations in heartbeats, in voices, in emotions, in temperament. Things resonate, others don't. Things fall apart, others remain. Convergent forces meet, embrace, fuse and ultimately coalesce into something..

I wonder why I dropped those eggs...  I wonder if they too are in the void.

Here to Show the World

A New Year can be deceiving. We strive to wash ourselves from old habits and set on a chase of outlandish conquests. We steer the ship through murky waters hoping to come out squeaky clean on the other side - wherever the other side may be. Yet, we commit the same errors, over and over. We trust too much that the turn of the year will bring fresh air, fresh ideas. But we tend to get caught up in the tendencies of human nature. Relationships stagger like drunks on a Friday night. Friends and acquaintances phase in and out like clocks that no longer can tell time.

At the beginning of 2011 I referred to the year as the Year of Embrace - a year of embracing what you feel and how to express it. And it indeed was such a year. It was a year of discoveries and introductions. A year of embracing strong heartfelt emotions.

The New Year is upon us and with it new challenges, new conquests, new terrain to tread through. What wonders shall it bring..? What will it be filled with, aside from days on the calendar? The plot will reveal itself in due time. For now, let's sit still and revel on the unknown. Let those who hide behind a mask of lies and false words simply phase out... Happy New Year's!