Change Your Stars

One of my favorite quotes comes from Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist, “When you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true.” 

How do you go back to your life? How do you train yourself to breathe again? You question everything; the meaning of you, your memories, everything that has shaped you in one way or another, lost loves, lost dreams. It is startling to feel as if you have just opened your eyes for the very first time. Your center has been found.

The experience was overwhelming. Everything was positioned exactly as it was supposed to be. Riding on that bus towards Paris, I knew everything would change. All I knew or thought I knew would be questioned. And then the Eiffel sneaks up on you. You catch it from the corner of your eye and you finally come to the conclusion that you have arrived. Aside from my kids' births there has not been a more powerful moment.

I sat on that bus dumbfounded. I sat by the banks of the Seine river inspired by the sheer simplicity of that moment. I prayed at Saint Severin's and shed tears overwhelmed by its beauty and serenity. I rode my bike through centuries old gardens and just breathed. I stood by Marie Antoinette's tomb and paid respects. I saluted Napoleon at his. I sat on street cafes and simply observed the city and its inhabitants; their rituals, their joys and despairs written in their faces like faded graffiti. I'd wake around 3:30 in the morning every day and observe the city as it slept from outside my hotel window, wondering if others were doing the same.

For all its gimmicks, the tourist games, the overcrowded Metro, the thousands of steps taken through its honeycombed neighborhoods, one has to simply let it come. Let it embrace you wholly and unequivocally. For that is its legacy, its allure. You simply fall in love.

I sat on that bus at 5:30 in the morning, moving away from Paris towards an uncertain future. Yet, my present was certain, perhaps more certain than ever. Everything I am made of collided with something greater than myself, something magnificent and glorious and inspiring and blissful. And I am a better human being for it.

Thanks Paris.