Lingering Souls

"We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and -- in spite of True Romance magazines -- we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely -- at least, not all the time -- but essentially, and finally, alone."  Hunter S. Thompson

Do we ever really leave a place? Do perhaps intricate parts of our very being linger in living rooms, kitchens, camping grounds, outdoor patios, coffee shops, bars..? It is very hard for me to comprehend this. Yes physically I will not occupy space, yet the time allotted - 26 years and counting - bears significant scrutiny.

I personally have never taken for granted where I live. New England is a magical place, full of wonders that cannot be duplicated elsewhere - its Fall season, Christmas, Summers at the Cape, Camping in NH.. I can go on and on and that goes back to how I started this paragraph - I never took anything here for granted.

I've gone camping to Greenfield State Park for the better part of 15 years. I've gone to Fenway Park too many times to remember. I worked for 4 crazy years in the beloved city of Boston. I've been an intricate part of the life of two friends for 20 years and counting. All of those things lead me to believe, that I will never truly be gone. And New England will never truly be gone from me.

While I've known for a while that my departure is imminent, nothing prepares you for the end. Nothing can prepare you no matter how hard you try to plan things - to leave it all. You can talk about how you think things will go down in the end. I walk around my house, now devoid of furniture, and I am still unprepared. Nothing can prepare you to leave the very fabric that helped shape you/mold you into who you become.

I can sit here and tell you that I wish I had more time perhaps. There are so many still I have not been able to share time with due to the whirlwind that this Summer has become.

Will I ever really be gone? I'd like to think that I will linger...in rooms, around the corner, around a bonfire, in some seat at Fenway, walking down a street in Boston, walking the strip in Hampton, grabbin' lobstah at Brown's, at a friend's home, laughing, joking, playing pranks, being a run of the mill miscreant, having a staggering amount of beer, hosting 12 hour sessions of cheeseburgers on the grill..

Nothing can prepare you to leave what you love most. We are not all alone, all of our lives. We shall have company we share glorious moments with.  Essentially, and finally, we are never and will never be truly alone.  Sorry Hunter - you got this one wrong. 

Love, me.

P.S. "The real good ones...they transcend and can never be fully extinguished...they simply cannot.  It is in their fiber not to disintegrate.." Franco